Mood:  irritated

I'M MOVING MY BLOG TO A NEW SITE.  PLEASE JOIN ME AT:

http://uniquelymoronic.wordpress.com/

Posted by uniquely-ironic at 9:08 AM PDT

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Mood:  incredulous

I've been MIA for a couple of days due to computer blitches (not glitches) and other misc. things.  I think they're onto me at work and have managed to mess up my login, so I'll have to use my own time (sigh) until I figure out how to get around it.  Like they say, where there's a will, there's a damn tricky mind figuring out how to get that there stuff done.

I went to the dentist friday morning to have a cleaning.  I generally don't mind the dentist, and I still don't mind this dentist, but I'm going to have to take out the hygentist.  She was a card carrying sadist.  My mouth was so ripped up afterward that not even advil helped.  And I have to go back tomorrow so that they can fill one of the holes in my head.  I suppose it didn't help that I admitted that I don't floss every day.  She seized on that little tid bit and "showed me" how to use the floss. (to decapitate people)  This, and the fact that my stupid boyfriend called me while I was in the chair and she had to stop her work for 10 seconds for me to tell him I'd call back later.  I'm going to have to make sure he gets her when he goes in. (evil laugh)

Saturday I attended a martial arts seminar that is a fund raiser for a master artist that passed away.  I knew him, he scared me shitless, but he had my respect.  I was the only girl on the mat for more than 10 minutes, but only lasted until 2:30 instead of 5pm.  I really think I must be crazy for not having the good sense to know that nice girls don't play rough. (okay, even I don't believe that last sentence)

During the classes I had the "pleasure" of working with a guy who was about my size and I'm assuming a decent skill level. (I didn't recognize his style of martial arts belting system)  We were working on chokes and take downs.  This guy kept cinching up the rope until it nearly gagged me every time it was his turn to do the technique.  I said something about it but apparently he thought I was being a sissie.  Then, when it was his turn, he'd "fight" me at every turn, making it hard to choke him and put him on the mat safely.  It made me look sloppy.  I hate looking sloppy.

Well, those of you who know me know that I only suffer fools so long.  I took shit off of him a few times and then when it was my turn I cinched the rope a little tighter, and instead of guiding him to the mat I yanked him down and jumped on top of him to pin him tight.  God that felt good!!!  I know it's wrong to enjoy someone else's suffering, but he earned it.  He jumped up, told me how dangerous I was and quit working with me.  I glanced over to my old sensei and he had that bird eating cat smile on his face.  My BF, who watched the whole thing had the "that's my girl!" look on his face.  We'll see who's a sissie.

So, I spent the rest of the weekend hobbling around the apartment trying to nurse my sore muscles and bruises.  I'm going back next year!!! Can't wait!

Have a good day.

Posted by uniquely-ironic at 5:58 PM PDT

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Mood:  don't ask

Believe it or not, I usually try to write these blogs with some sort of theme, but today that will probably not happen.  I'm going to just throw a few things out there so that I can clear the mental slate and make room for a real thought.

Awhile back I wrote about starting a hope chest for my son and daughter.  I finally finished embroidering the pillowcases and took a picture to show you all (and have physical proof that I can finish something).

I'm feeling like a regular seamstress what with the recent quilt and all.  I think I'll attempt actually cooking food next. (sarcasm here folks, if you don't know me well)

I was chatting with my sister via IM this morning.  We somehow got onto the subject of my grandmother on my dad's side.  She's 98 and still kicking ass.  As afraid as I am of her, I admire her.  We both have decided that she got that old being bitchy, so we are going to get in touch with our bitchy sides for longevity sake.  In fact, my sis has offered to buy me a t-shirt with a big B on the front and also the mandatory red cape to give people fair warning that being bitchy is my super power. (I hear a man singing "Here she comes to save the day!")

This morning coming to work I was surrounded by ego drivers.  Those are the people who, when they see my Kia passing them feel the overwhelming need to speed up (to any speed neccesary) to pass me, or at the very least keep me from passing them.  I've noticed the BMW drivers have it the worst.  I've literally had someone speed up to cut in front of me, pull into the exit lane and drop behind me.  They showed me!!  My next car will be a hummer so that I can drive over their asses when they cut in front of me.  It's not like I drive the Kia willingly.  It's kind of like punishment for losing the divorce game, but I'm nearly done serving that sentence.

Dead Guy Quote of the Day:

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.

Quote from April 12th

Marilyn Monroe

Have a good day.

Posted by uniquely-ironic at 9:04 AM PDT

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Mood:  blue

I believe in fair warnings, so I'm going to let you folks know that I'm in a foul mood.  Have been since sunday night.  Will probably remain in a foul mood for awhile. 

Yesterday I was pulled into a HR meeting at 8 a.m. sharp.  I brought my coffee, pad of paper and piss poor attitude.  I listened to the executives and consultants plot and plan on how to sell the concept of reorganizing all of the job titles and pay scales to fit a neat formula.  They fretted about how to communicate it to the "regular workers" (read non execs) so that the masses didn't panic.  I am the regular worker and while panicking seemed a reasonable thing to do I decided to just let it go.  After all, at the end of the day it's going to happen whether I consent to it or not.

I wandered back to my desk afterward and rewarded myself with a yogurt.  No violent outburst or smart ass remarks to back pedal from.  I enjoyed the yogurt and as I put the last spoon full in my mouth I felt something mildly cold and wet on my chin.  Crap!  I paused for a second to prepare myself for what I was sure was waiting for me on my white shirt.  Yup! A big splotch of pink yogurt squarely in the middle of my chest region.  I dabbed futiley at the spot which only grew bigger from the efforts. 

Normally I take these things in stride.  Most of my feedings result in some sort of spillage to the shirt I'm wearing.  On good days it lands on the cuff or some other hideable spot.  I'm not sure why this happens, I'm not especially clumsy or messy.  Today was a problem.  I had to "messenger" a very important document to a very important person for the company, and showing up looking like a bib-less toddler was probably out of the question.

I spent my entire lunch hour shopping for a new shirt, which I found.  Feeling like I had nothing to loose I even changed into it while sitting in the car in the parking lot. Funny, around here you'd have to set your hair on fire to catch the attention of the other stress driven bay area residents. Personal disaster averted.

Quote of the day discontinued due to lack of interest on my part.

Have a good day.

Posted by uniquely-ironic at 8:55 AM PDT

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Mood:  don't ask

1. You don’t have an “About Me” section on your blog.  This makes me suspicious.  Are you in the witness protection program?  I dream of being that interesting.  No, I post my blog from work and somehow my employers have managed to block the "About Me" section from me.  I'm trying to not take it personal, and someday when I have 2 brain cells to rub together at home I'll log in and try to fill that there thingy out.  You'll just have to use your very active imagination until then. 
2. The texts of your blog posts vary in color.  Is this a plot to drive me insane?  Yes, yes it is! (read sarcasm)  My BF says that I have a "oooh the pretty colors" type mind.  Some days picking the color of the text is the most exciting thing I do.  Did you notice the fonts vary too?  If I were a fish I'd be Dori in Finding Nemo.  Glad I can help in the efforts to drive the Fab Man insane.
3. If you could talk to the animals like Doctor Doolittle, which animal do you think would smart off first, causing you to punch him in the head?  Squirrels, definitely.  I imagine they have rampant OCD, which irritates me.  It's funny you bring up talking animals.  I often make up little conversations when I see an animal vs animal or animal vs people situation.  I saw the seals sunning along the coast one year, stopped the car, and was having a blast putting human words to their little turf wars for over an hour.  Like Dori, I also speak whale.
4. When the aliens finally land and start vaporizing us with their ray guns, what will be your argument to them for letting you live?  I'm one of them!  I am in the CIA of the alien nation.  I'm here on a recon mission to assess the vulnerabilities of humans.  This is probably the easiest assignment I've had since we ransacked Mars.  The only reason we haven't invaded yet is for the comic relief that the humans provide for us.  My personal mission is to make sure that we capture all that makes Taco Bell great so that we can franchise it on our planet.
5. Where in the world IS that bitch Carmen Sandiego?  I have a theory that she's from the Livingston family line and that her ability to get lost in a paper bag is a DNA thing.  I'd like to know where she finds the money to make these trips.  Did she marry a sugar daddy?  Does her sugar daddy know another rich lonely sugar daddy that she can introduce me to?  Who does her hair?  He should be shot for letting her wear the same hairstyle she had in her twenties.  How dated!!! And in the end, who the hell cares where that bitch spends her time?!  I'm not her mother, talk to her parole officer.

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your weblog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Posted by uniquely-ironic at 9:20 AM PDT

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